’ It consists of dates, names, descriptions and a score from 1 to 10 for each of my new partners. ‘Chayne that is very interesting, what gave you the idea to record these events?’ Well Dr. B I am so disconnected from myself when I am allowing these men to use me sexually and I have no idea how to manage stress properly so I figured if I look at my sexual activity in black and white I will have more insight. That is just how I feel about it anyway. I feel as if I am spiraling out of control and I know rock bottom is soon to follow but I still cannot get off the train. It is a very helpless feeling. ‘Talk to me more about your feelings Chayne.’ Well I think that…… ‘I’m sorry to interrupt Chayne but I asked for your feelings not your thoughts.’ She was overcome with more tears. She cannot connect with her feelings and usually finds herself stuck in logical mind. There was a perfect example. She was asked in particular about how she was feeling yet she responded with what she thought. . This case evoked to me a personal case several years ago: a past adventure with a Hispanic boy. This adventure was most curious. I had met him and treated him a few years before: he was a thin, melancholic boy. At that time there was no mutual interest. I moved from town and we lost track of each other. Years later I found him by chance in my new city: he too had moved to it and was already married. He had gained weight. But what made the encounter memorable was that just as he greeted me he looked at me in a penetrating way; I also felt something new in me for him: it was like a mysterious and sudden attraction between the two. We passed to each other our telephone numbers. He did not take long to call me and invite me to visit him at his house, where he was alone. I accepted. When I got there, he was in bed watching erotic movies on television. I got the message and approached him little by little, but soon I found myself in an uncomfortable situation: he was willing to do.
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